Now, her challenge was to make the worst query letter ever, and I took up the challenge. I've made a video if you want to watch, it can be found here: http://youtu.be/mog_csKcYrI
If you don't want to watch me ramble (or if you simply can't follow my accent) then you can read it here. I wrote it in a hurry, and it's not edited or anything. So. Enjoy, and hopefully none of you will ever do this:
"Dear Agent.
Wouldn’t it be cool if there were such a thing as vampire
wasps? I would think so. Just a random thought to set the mood.
You’re like the first agent I’ve ever had the pleasure
of encountering, and I have to admit, that based on other books, this will freaking
blow your mind. I mean, we all know that stuff like 50 shades of grey, and
Twilight wouldn’t actually have gotten anywhere if you’d be in charge. Am I
right? *winkyface*
On to my story. It’s just an idea right now, and I
haven’t actually written it yet. But I figured that you should have the honor
of getting the “first taste” of this masterpiece. Some people advised me not to
be this bold, but I confided with God, who by the way, was a big inspiration in
writing this, and he said I should go for it.
My family really supports me in this, and they tell me
that this is the most original idea they’ve ever heard of.
Let me introduce you to the characters, well. There’s
only one right now. Which would be me. HI!
I’m an avid reader, and I’ve seen many books become
popular because of an element. Wattpad. Wattpad is the greatest hotspot for
everyone with a dark and sometimes dirty secret. When I signed up, I did it
mainly because I wanted to be cool like the other kids at school, because for
some reason, even though I’m like totally gorgeous and stuff, they just couldn’t
see it. But Wattpad changed my life.
On there, I met the sweetest and most
talented guy ever. And we fell in love. Needless to say, it was all happy and joyous,
until the day I found out that he was a vampire. Dun dun dun. Now, I need to
get in gear, and see if I can write myself away from being attacked by the
bloodthirsty and vicious Vampire-overlord who craves my pulmonary vein.
My Wattpad Vampire is gonna be the first in a series
of 28 books, which follows me until I finally gathers the skills necessary to
write my nightmare away. With the help of one shitty laptop, I’m armed and
ready to go. Will I be able to finish of the dark vampire overlord all alone?
Or will I die a horrible death by pencils and red markers? There’s only one way
to find out.
Bio:
My name is Maja, and I’m the second oldest of 6 kids.
I don’t really have much to say about myself, because when I was a kid, I didn’t
really know how to speak without adding a bunch of pointless words to the mix.
So now I’m basically just trying to tone everything down to seem less extraordinary
than I actually am.
I’m looking forward to making money with you. Let’s
show these authors who’s the boss, shall we.
Let’s get this bitch!
Sincerely, Maja.
P.S. I’ve sent this to around 50 other agents, so if
it takes a while to get back to you, I’m deeply sorry."
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