Bad query letter Challenge.

Some of you might follow Erin Latimer from Wattpad. Others might not know who she is, but never the less she has recently posted some blogs and some youtube videoes about queries. You can check it out here: http://www.museslibrary.blogspot.com/

Now, her challenge was to make the worst query letter ever, and I took up the challenge. I've made a video if you want to watch, it can be found here: http://youtu.be/mog_csKcYrI 

If you don't want to watch me ramble (or if you simply can't follow my accent)  then you can read it here. I wrote it in a hurry, and it's not edited or anything. So. Enjoy, and hopefully none of you will ever do this:

"Dear Agent.

Wouldn’t it be cool if there were such a thing as vampire wasps? I would think so. Just a random thought to set the mood.

You’re like the first agent I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering, and I have to admit, that based on other books, this will freaking blow your mind. I mean, we all know that stuff like 50 shades of grey, and Twilight wouldn’t actually have gotten anywhere if you’d be in charge. Am I right? *winkyface*

On to my story. It’s just an idea right now, and I haven’t actually written it yet. But I figured that you should have the honor of getting the “first taste” of this masterpiece. Some people advised me not to be this bold, but I confided with God, who by the way, was a big inspiration in writing this, and he said I should go for it.

My family really supports me in this, and they tell me that this is the most original idea they’ve ever heard of.

Let me introduce you to the characters, well. There’s only one right now. Which would be me. HI!

I’m an avid reader, and I’ve seen many books become popular because of an element. Wattpad. Wattpad is the greatest hotspot for everyone with a dark and sometimes dirty secret. When I signed up, I did it mainly because I wanted to be cool like the other kids at school, because for some reason, even though I’m like totally gorgeous and stuff, they just couldn’t see it. But Wattpad changed my life. 

On there, I met the sweetest and most talented guy ever. And we fell in love. Needless to say, it was all happy and joyous, until the day I found out that he was a vampire. Dun dun dun. Now, I need to get in gear, and see if I can write myself away from being attacked by the bloodthirsty and vicious Vampire-overlord who craves my pulmonary vein.

My Wattpad Vampire is gonna be the first in a series of 28 books, which follows me until I finally gathers the skills necessary to write my nightmare away. With the help of one shitty laptop, I’m armed and ready to go. Will I be able to finish of the dark vampire overlord all alone? Or will I die a horrible death by pencils and red markers? There’s only one way to find out.

Bio:

My name is Maja, and I’m the second oldest of 6 kids. I don’t really have much to say about myself, because when I was a kid, I didn’t really know how to speak without adding a bunch of pointless words to the mix. So now I’m basically just trying to tone everything down to seem less extraordinary than I actually am.

I’m looking forward to making money with you. Let’s show these authors who’s the boss, shall we.

Let’s get this bitch!

Sincerely, Maja.

P.S. I’ve sent this to around 50 other agents, so if it takes a while to get back to you, I’m deeply sorry." 

The thing about writing....

I consider writing to be a hobby.  

Big surprise, huh? But no, really. Writing is only a hobby to me, and even though I'd love to live off my hobby at some point, then I'm still hesitant.

What if I try and don't make the cut?

What if I do make the cut, and I then lose my touch? 

What if I'm really no good?

What if by waiting to do something about it, I'm really just harming myself?

What if I flop?

What if, what if, what if....

Do you recognize those two words from yourself? You should... It's that annoying little voice at the back of your head. It makes life hard, and not just with writing. The "What if" monster continuously attempts to bring you doubt on all aspects of your life.

So what can you do to fight it? In all honesty-- Not much. It'll always be there.

But I can tell you what I do, and more importantly, why it seems to work for me most of the time.

I say "most" because as with most things in the world, there's always that one exception to the rule. So take what you want from this, and apply it to yourself.

The way I see writing, and this is the writing I do on here, and on Wattpad, is that I am the God of all! 

I make the rules, I try things out, and when it doesn't work, I'm also the one responsible for changing it. IF I refuse, then I won't improve.

Personally, I can live with never amounting to anything with writing. As long as I at least manage to satisfy myself. The reason why I say so? It's because I am my own worst critic.

Nothing I do is perfect. Nothing I do will be perfect.

So I can either give up, or keep improving and moving on.

My choice? The latter. Definitely the latter.

But Maja, how do you manage that? When your mind keeps telling you that what you're doing is wrong, and you can't make it better?

Well, dear random interviewer in my head, I believe that sometimes there's things that doesn't need fixing. There's not one definite rule to writing. Well. There is one! And one only! It involves words.

The way you do it: typewriter, pen and paper, crayons on pavement, paint on canvas, speech to text or computer, force a friend to type it for you. It all works. 

The way you go about it: Outlining, writing from the top of your head, worldbuilding, edit later, word diarrhea, jumping in chapters. It all works.

The way you finish it: beta reader, self editing, reading out loud, oxford grammar, US english, UK english. It all works.

The way you make it available to others: Uploading on Wattpad, Email it to friends, make it a note on facebook, self-publishing, sending it to an agent, indie publishing, traditional publishing, e-book, paperback, printing it out, order one copy to have on the shelf. It all works.

Do you see a pattern here?

If not, then read it again and repeat doing that, until you realize that there's no right way of writing. What works for me, might not work for you. That doesn't make what I do wrong though. Doesn't make it right either. It makes it appliable to me, and that's what you should seek in writing.

Writing is a form of art, and it's always evolving. Language evolves, slang becomes more acceptable, time changes, and along with the constant battle against originality, you need to think outside the box.

Which is why it's important, especially on free writing website as Wattpad that you always consider whether the opinion given to you is something you agree with.

The thing about writing, is that you only manage to make it unique and original, if you make it special to you.

So this is my "Official Start" into blogging.

I've tried many times to make a website/blog, and each time I've found myself failing miserably.

Not because I haven't had the necessary skill, but more because I've forgotten my password or other silly stuff like that. In other cases it's been because I've had nothing to say, which is stupid since I often find it hard to shut up.

So here I am. I've just used a considerable amount of time setting up this blog. I've made sure that people who know me, already can find 'Lovers Gonna Love' and information about my works on here, and I've also made sure that it looks pretty -- to my standards at least.

The next part is this first part. And boy, do they suck or what?


-- I think they do.

But I'm happy that you're accompanying me on this awkward journey into the world of blogging, because like Bambi, I'm on slippery ice here. Please don't let me fall?

If you have any ideas on what I can write about, or if you have any comments at all, then feel free to drop me a message. It should be pretty easy from your Google profile.

Oh. And keep your head held high.

- Maja D Jørgensen